Study No. 5

In the same generation that comes with disposable printers and computers whose insurance cost almost half as much as new one, there is an ironic mentality that is against Shoulds. Instead of focusing on feeling bad – because it wasn’t like you should have done that, been that, thought that, known that – treat yourself to a new, to a better, to a cuter, to a more stunning - really you ‘ought to. In a useful and annoying way I am of the generation that perpetuates the emancipation of self, the validation of self, the gratification of self, the trust of self, by never saying never, and never saying should. The problem is, sometimes I really believe in Should. I really feel like I should care that water is going to become a valuable and limited resource before my time is due; I really feel like I should mind that millions are dying from AIDS without compassion or proper care; I feel like I should care that the ancient rainforests are being cut down for cookie cutter wholesale furniture. I feel like I should care that imperialist powers and religious crusades are still being waged under the auspice of Righteousness. I feel like I should care that while I write this millions, billions, are suffering somewhere because of sales in Walmart or Kmart or any mart for that matter.

And it isn’t even a matter of Should. I don’t feel I should feel these ways. I do. It is a matter of What should I do? Which is related to What can I do? Which is related to What will I do? And it’s intimately tangled up in my thought about the yarn and the sand. Will what I do, matter? Do any of my Shoulds, or my Wills, or my Dos have any weight compared to the weight of all these Things and all this Stuff?